Boundaries can be a sticky subject. In the past I viewed boundaries in my life as roadblocks, hindrances, walls, etc. I was afraid of what would happen if I set boundaries with family, friends, etc. Then I participated in a group study of the book “Making Peace with Your Past” by Tim Sledge and experienced a revelation. It’s ok to set boundaries with people in your life. Really. It doesn’t say you’re mean or unkind or closed minded or cruel. It just means there are some lines that need to be drawn in order for you to maintain peace in your life. Sometimes the lines are drawn in pencil, easily erased when situations change later on. Sometimes the lines must be drawn in permanent marker.
For me, setting boundaries is always a matter of prayer, first. My natural inclination is to react first, then reconsider later. Our pastor recently encouraged us to “take 20” before reacting to any news or information, good or bad. Whenever you receive news (email, phone call, etc.) take 20 minutes (at least) before you react in any way. Pray, think about something else, just don’t react until you’ve taken that time. Setting boundaries can and should be approached the same way.
There will always be people in our lives who are challenging or even difficult to love. People who constantly demand our time and energy without investing anything in return. Needy people, challenging people. Relationships are tricky. Believe me, I’m including myself in those categories! I had a sometimes difficult relationship with my mother and eventually had to set some clear boundaries. It took a long time (until I was 40!) for me to give myself permission to set those boundaries. I realized I had to choose my husband and children first and my mom second. This did not mean I no longer loved my mom. We just couldn’t continue to operate in our old, established patterns any longer. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary and the rewards were great. That decision has given me a totally different attitude toward my relationship with my daughters – and changed how I view being the mother of adult “children” (and mother-in-law/grandmother). I also view my other relationships with a greater understanding of when and how boundaries need to be set. Honestly I reevaluate my relationships regularly and ask God to show me where (and how) I need to change as I relate. It keeps me humble, to be sure, and grateful for lessons learned in that class on “Making Peace with Your Past”.
Taking joy in the JOURNEY,
Lori
Leave a Reply