Please excuse my transparency…
Marriage is an interesting relationship. You enter into it with starry-eyed optimism, refusing to believe that anything bad could ever happen. Your mate could never disappoint. You will never again feel lonely or afraid. Your mate will complete you. Nothing will ever tear you apart.
The truth is marriage guarantees nothing except you are joined to another human being by God and by law. That’s it in a nutshell. Everything else is really chance. Or is it?
When Rhett and I got married 30 years ago, we had very little preparation. No one sat us down and walked us through what we were about to face. There were very few books on the subject (unless you count Letters to Karen and Letters to Phillip). Our parents had long lasting marriages, but really never shared the “secrets” of staying married. We were starry-eyed 22 year olds who didn’t have a clue.
Reality bites. Hard. Not long after Rhett and I began our life together, I discovered a terrible truth. Rhett (unlike my dad) would not blindly follow wherever I wanted to lead. He expected me to discuss things instead of just moving full steam ahead with whatever random idea crossed my mind. Needless to say, mayhem ensued. For about 7 years we battled each other in a bid for supremacy. I tried to manipulate him into doing what I wanted. He dug in his heels and thwarted my every effort to lead. It was pretty ugly.
In September of 1988 we moved to California for what we thought was the job that would save our financial future. We were broke, broken and confused. What we didn’t realize was that California was our proving ground. Our “wilderness experience”. Our personal spiritual boot camp. God chose to move us away from everything familiar: my family, our church, friends, brand new home and roots in order to isolate us for a greater purpose. God wanted to heal our marriage. He literally had to strip us of everything that had held us back from being the man and woman of God He created us to be.
For me, it started one beautiful autumn day not long after we moved. Our girls (ages 3 and 1½) were taking their afternoon naps and I was terribly homesick. I got out one our VHS tapes and started watching the video of a baby shower some friends had given for us when I was pregnant with our first child. At first it was funny. Then ever so slowly and gently God began to remove the rose-colored glasses I’d been wearing and I finally saw the truth about myself. I was horrified. I watched myself treat my wonderful husband with disdain and disrespect. My voice dripped with sarcasm almost every time I spoke to him or about him and I looked ugly. I was devastated and embarrassed. Then very softly I heard these words. “Do you really want to be this way?” God was showing me my true self in order to begin a change that so desperately needed to take place. I surrendered to Him in a way I never had before and humbly admitted that I needed help. I didn’t want to treat Rhett in this way any longer. And I didn’t want our girls to grow up disrespecting their father. I had to change.
Once I realized my need, God was there to guide me through the process. The first step was just the beginning…
Taking joy in the journey,
Lori
this joyful journey 